To Draw Out From Within

photo by Kelly Sell

When Brittany, Alex, and I planned a topic for our latest podcast episode, we decided to discuss adhikara  and explore how deepening our  studentship is a means of deepening our relationship with life. 

Then  last week happened. 

After the news of the COVID-19 death toll reaching 100,000 in America, we saw footage of Amy Cooper calling the police as a means to threaten Christian Cooper for asking her to follow the rules, and we saw the violent murder of George Floyd by police officer, Derick Chauvin. 

During our recording session, after  a reasonably thorough treatment of adhikara which included a long foray into how the elements can inform our studentship, the initiatory process of yoga, and a reminder that our own efforts are the main thing over which we have any control, Alex posed a question about how preparedness, practice, and studentship relates to the realities of systemic racism, police violence, and the deepening divides within our country.  It’s a good episode. You should listen to it. 

“One point that I may have failed to make on my podcast is that I believe speaking up is important, taking a stand is essential, and the time to engage is now.”

I am pretty sure I said that in the podcast.

However,   I also voiced some caution about the urge to jump in to help before educating oneself about how best to help. I suggested that, for every well-meaning impulse to help, there is often a shadow element of “just make it go away.” 

Don’t get me wrong— I want nothing more than to NEVER see another video of a black man murdered by a police officer, hunted like an animal, or needlessly incarcerated. Anyone with half a heart and even a small degree of conscience wants that. Better yet, actual equal protection under the law, equal access to opportunities, and a world where one person’s flourishing was not at the expense of another’s would be ideal.

The point I hoped to make is the education is important in order to take actions that contribute and might actually help, as opposed to create more harm in the name of helping. And, to be clear, I consider myself an educator, not an activist. 

Education comes from the root word educare, which means to lead out from within, or to draw out from within.  To educate oneself in the insidious, pervasive, and systemic evil of racism is to draw out a history of oppression, violence, subjugation, and  horrors against humanity that is woven into our country, culture, society, and therefore, one’s own personal conditioning.  To educate oneself in how to help dismantle those systems externally — you know, like to make the world a better place— without engaging the work of dismantling the ways I have internalized these imperatives and  benefitted from them with and without knowing,  is likely to create a circumstance where my good intentions contribute to more harm, rather than alleviate  the suffering I so want to end. 

When I started waking up to the realities of racism in current-day America,  I asked a group of my students who I knew were interested in racial justice to join me in a study group. A small group of mostly white women  (two of our group have Hispanic heritage), we met regularly in one another’s homes  for over two years.  

I have to admit, a reading and discussion group never felt to me like we were doing enough. While a few of us went to the Women’s March, gave to good causes, and created other means of outreach, we met as the current President was elected, we met as more black men were shot, and our little group did not stop  the downward spiral that has brought us to today’s news cycle. 

The group did give me a place to cry about racism without making my upset the problem of  people of color. Our meetings  did give me a place to talk about how I failed to amplify my African-American friend’s message on social media. Our group gave me a place to acknowledge that I didn’t back my friend up in a post she made about racism when she was attacked by a white person who was a friend of mine. In short,  our community gave me a  safe place to own up to my very real shortcomings and to begin to bridge the gap between my desire to make the world a better place and the realities of the fact I often lost courage and allowed the education of other white people to continue to fall to people of color. 

As time went by,  and conversations around racial inequities surfaced in my classrooms, the time in our reading group also gave me the skills to stop explaining on behalf of other people and  ask, “What is like for you, Tiffany, to be here as a person of color?” or “How do you see it, feel it, experience it from your vantage point, David?”  And perhaps, that one question made a small difference to those people in those moments. 

In that way, education regarding the realities of systemic racism is not just  drawing out from within the toxic heritage of which I am a part, but is also a preparation (one of the meanings of adhikara, if you are following the thread) for  asking  better questions, for listening with more curiosity, for making amends with accountability and self-compassion, and for developing the courage to have increasingly more difficult conversations. Education in systemic racism is essential in order to draw out from within the direct, abiding, embodied knowledge that our differences are as important as our similarities— be those differences racially-defined, gender-related, politically-determined, or religiously-oriented. Education can draw forth from within the capacity to hold ourselves with compassion as we acknowledge our mistakes, to see our differences without losing sight of our shared humanity, and to bring love to bear on the process of healing  generations of inherited hatred and violence. 

This week, our group has   renewed our commitment to study and conversation. I personally believe our group “works” because it is small or I would invite you all to come. In Robin D’Angelo’s guidelines about affinity groups  (evidently, our kind of group has a name) she states that groups work best when they are large enough to have a range of experience, but not so large that it is easy for anyone to avoid sharing. Lectures, readings, etc. are good, but they can be a passive  educational environment.  Small group participation requires a higher  level of engagement and therefore, vulnerability.

I encourage you to start a reading group of your own. If you form a group, which I will define as two or more gathered in the name of Love with a commitment to grow together over time, and want my support, I will hold a regular online meeting for  support, inspiration, connection, and collaboration. Email me directly at christinasell108@gmail.com if you want to move forward in some way and if I can be of help. I will add you to my list.

I suggest starting with White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism.

I  also suggest using the reading guide to work your way through the material.

To be clear, you do not need to start with this book as there are many great resources out there, nor do you need me or anyone else to help you educate yourself and make a space for others to do the same. I am simply offering my presence as support and hopefully, as time goes by, I will be able to provide some additional resources.  Perhaps more importantly, you do not need to have the answers, know everything about racism, or be an experienced group leader to organize a group. You need a desire to learn, grow, and to look as squarely as possible at an uncomfortable reality within yourself and our culture.

Let’s do this. 

Or, do something. 

• One Year of Anti-racism Work. This document provides weekly assignments to help you stay focused for a year. From calling public officials to reading books and watching movies, there is a variety of suggestions that you can incopoporate into your life.

• For Our White Friends Desiring to Be Allies- This article gives some concrete suggestions and descriptions of how ways to help that can assist one in the shift from “I have to fix it” to “I want to support and assist the efforts of people already engaged in anti-racism and who know more than me.”

• 75 Things White People Can do For Racial Justice- There is some overlap here with the first article, but another great list to work from. Pick something. Anything and get started. You may notice there are a lot of books to read and a recurring suggestion to read them with your friends. So, start a reading group!